No credit Card needed

A Fresh Look at Sexual Fantasies

By: Jane Thomas

It came as a revelation to me that women might also use fantasies to reach orgasm during sex. After all men don't take their pornographic magazines into sex with a partner so why would women take their fantasies?

Surely the 'real thing' should be better than the substitute used during masturbation? The hitch is that men use erotic images, which transfer fairly naturally from masturbation to sex (in the form of a lover's naked body).

Women use erotic scenarios with a complex psychological context. This kind of fantasy does not easily transfer to sex (no matter how kinky your sex life!).

Understandably many people feel insulted by the idea that their lover may fantasise during sex. Perhaps because of this taboo, women's use of fantasies during sex is rarely acknowledged. Consequently it is easy to overlook the possibility that female orgasm might actually depend on the use of sexual fantasies.

Some women never succeed in using fantasies during sex

Although I knew that women's sexual arousal relies on fantasies during masturbation, when I approached orgasm during sex, I never considered using sexual fantasies in order to generate sexual arousal. The presence of another person makes it impossible to achieve the mental focus needed to reach orgasm through fanasy alone.

"Women also often find it easier to fantasise when self-pleasuring than in sex with a partner." (p65 Woman's Experience of Sex 1983)

It would seem that some women's fantasies may not be compatible with sexual activity with a partner. More involved sexual fantasies may only be suitable for use alone.

"Among the most common varieties of sexual fantasies are those that can best be described as old familiar stories. ... In many instances, the complexity of this fantasy makes it more suitable for use in solitary situations than during sexual activity with a partner." (p414 Human Sexuality (fifth edition) 1995)

Although some women evidently are able to use their sexual fantasies with a partner, not all women succeed with this (if it occurs to them to try!).

About the Author

Jane Thomas is the author of The Ways Women Orgasm. WaysWomenOrgasm.org provides information about female sexuality including details of how women orgasm with a partner. The discussion of female sexuality covers women's orgasm techniques including their use of clitoral stimulation and sexual fantasies.

multiple orgasms

Related All